Adam's Artist Spotlight
I started playing music at a pretty young age. I think I was either three or four years old when my parents gave me a toy keyboard for my birthday. It was a little one with just one or two octaves.
The story goes that during my birthday party, I wouldn’t put the keyboard away to play with the other kids. I was completely captivated and spent the entire time playing it. That fascination quickly turned into a deep interest in music. Soon after, I started taking lessons, and I’ve continued ever since.
As I grew older and took music more seriously, it became increasingly challenging. When you’re young, playing music is all fun and games. It’s just about enjoying yourself. But as I progressed to more advanced levels—particularly in high school and later at university—the expectations grew. The need to perform at a very high standard under pressure made things much more demanding.
I’ve definitely experienced moments of burnout. It’s something that can happen easily when you’re pushing yourself hard and neglecting other aspects of life. During my time in music school, there were periods when I felt overwhelmed. There was just too much music and not enough balance. I’ve learned that it’s crucial to make space for other things.
When I’ve felt burnt out, taking time off has helped. But more importantly, I’ve found that expanding my horizons beyond just playing music is key. If you’re practicing all day, every day, it’s easy to lose motivation. Taking time to see friends, explore new hobbies, or just do something different can be incredibly rejuvenating. It’s a healthy way to recharge.
Another area of interest for me has been the psychology behind music performance. This interest emerged naturally as I dealt with stage nerves and began thinking about the mental aspects of performing. In university, I became particularly drawn to music performance psychology. For my undergraduate thesis, I researched perfectionism in classical pianists.
I interviewed several pianists and explored the challenges they face in striving for perfection. The research highlighted that there are both healthy and unhealthy ways to pursue excellence. Unhealthy striving often focuses solely on the outcome of a performance, ignoring the process. It’s also marked by setting unattainable standards, which can lead to constant dissatisfaction, no matter how well a performance goes.
Classical musicians often compare themselves to their idols or flawless recordings and performances they see online or live. This can create an unrealistic bar to measure against. It’s essential to work with where you are at each stage of your journey. Healthy striving, on the other hand, involves working hard toward your goals while accepting the results as they come.
In my early years, I would’ve described myself as a perfectionist. My standards kept climbing higher and higher, which was both motivating and exhausting. Over time, I’ve learned the importance of being kind to myself.
Now, I still hold high standards for myself, and I still want to play really well, but by the time I step onto the stage, I try to tell myself, “Whatever will be, will be.” This attitude of radical acceptance—embracing the performance exactly as it is—has been invaluable. Introducing a kind, compassionate inner voice has also made a significant difference. It’s helped me find balance and enjoy the process of making music.
— Adam McMillan